And So It Goes

You have a cell phone with a text messaging plan. You are on Facebook. You instant message. You email. While all of these are wonderful ways to stay connected with people, they are not excuses for using terrible grammar. I am astonished by the number of Facebook posts and emails I read that have such terrible grammar that they are completely incomprehensible. I have even gotten the occasional student paper written entirely in text-speak. At what point did people begin to  think this type of writing is acceptable?

In college I was required to take a course called Newspaper Fundamentals. The course was basically an intensive grammar, spelling and style course. An 83 percent was required to pass. Anything below this grade would earn you an F. There were four tests: spelling, word usage (based on Strunk and White’s The Elements of Style), AP Style, and a comprehensive exam testing all three of these. Failure in any of these tests would result in failure in the course regardless of your performance on the other tests. Though it was certainly tough, the class was one of the most beneficial courses I took in college and is one that I think every student should have to take regardless of major. Perhaps if students were subjected to such intense grammar and spelling lessons, people such as myself would stop receiving emails that say things like, “OMG wens mah speach???”

Several years ago I compiled a list of some of the grammar mistakes that annoy me the most, and I present them now for your reading pleasure:

It’s funny when the dog chases its tail. You’re just in time for your appointment. There are so many ways that people misuse their words that they’re starting to drive me crazy.

Things do not go missing. They disappear. They vanish. They become lost. On that same note, things do not turn up missing. If they turn up, that means they have been found. If I ever see someone successfully turn up missing, I will give them a cookie.

Food is not aten. It is eaten. It is consumed. Aten isn’t even a word. If you tell me you haven’t aten anything all day, don’t expect me to feed you. I won’t know what you are talking about.

It…is…possible…to…use…too…many…dot…dot…dots…in…your…writing. This is text, not Morse Code.

DON’T TYPE IN ALL CAPS. MOST OF US DON’T LIKE BEING YELLED AT BY MACHINES.

Two people went to the store and spent too much money.

I am typing, not typeing. Drop the ‘e’ people.

The company did not have their grand opening. The company had its grand opening. The people who work for the company spent their first day on the job.

Just because you can insert thousands of commas into one sentence doesn’t mean you should. Commas are meant to be placed during natural pauses, kind of like where you would stop to breathe if you were reading it. If I, followed that rule, and read, this sentence, out loud, I would, probably, hyperventilate.

You could write about one thing and then another and then talk about something else and then make a joke and then use a quote and then tell a story and then list some things off and then finally finish your thought. Or you could split up all your ideas into sentences. That’s how paragraphs are born.

Don’t tell me you used to could tie your shoes. Maybe you used to be able to tie them. Maybe at one point in time you could tie them. However, I don’t think that at any time you used to could tie them. That makes no sense.

Don’t use no double negatives. You can get away with that kind of thing in Spanish, but this is English. Say it properly.

Prepositions are not good words to end sentences with. You can reword these sentences to say the exact same thing without ending with a preposition. It is not good to end a sentence with a preposition. See, was that so hard?

Please write in full sentences. OMG, LOL, WTF and such other abbreviations might be fine in a text message, but they have no place in your paper or professional email. Also, please use full words. There is no reason for sentences such as, “Can u get a ticket 4 me cuz I wanna go 2.” Is typing out those extra letters really that difficult?

These are just a few examples of the grammar problems that grate on my last nerve. I certainly hope something changes before this situation becomes even worse.

Oh, and in case you were wondering, I got an A in Newspaper Fundamentals.